Loving comes at its own price.
One of the biggest drawbacks of being in love is that it creates a feeling of care. We care for the one we love- our parents, siblings, cousins, friends, neighbors, children and pets. And with care comes the feeling of insecurity, “Is he/she/it ok?” While some manage this worry for other’s well being by overt thoughts and actions, few have the capability to take their concerns with a grain of salt. They are able to let go of the feeling of worry for the ones they love.
Unfortunately, it is difficult for most to separate the feeling of concern with the other individual’s free will. Sometimes it borders on interference. In the life, we lead today not many appreciate being indulged with perennial concern.
They want to be free to witness life and not be held back by someone’s anxiety that they often term as ‘nagging’.
It is a life skill to understand that the other needs his/her own freedom to think, to take risks, to learn. It is important to be an emotional anchor but a shadowy one. No one wants an ‘in your face’ person in their lives who are always in SOS mode. It is best to give one personal space and be a support only when needed. The question now is how we can love but not hold the strings too tight?
How can we care but not intrude?
The only way to achieve this is by being confident about ourselves. Caring to an excessive point is often a defense mechanism where the individual projects his/her own concerns on the person or object of affection. These concerns usually pertain to the insecurities that lie within a person, about and for his/her own self. So, if we can learn to love ourselves, and to accept our own selves with all our faults, all our areas of improvements, with all our handicaps, only then can we love freely, care freely and give freely.
Let’s start the journey today. Let’s be the fireworks that light our own lives and, that of others in our environment and in turn of the world.
In words of Sensei (SGI President) “A great human revolution in just a single individual will help achieve a change in the destiny of a nation and, further, can even enable a change in the destiny of all humankind.”
― Daisaku Ikeda, The Human Revolution
Author: Kleio B'wti
Art of Missing
"Not seeing you is like not breathing. I see dead leaves everywhere. The red rose looks black and crumpled to my eyes. They pain, yet no tear runs through these dry sockets I use to see the world with. The delicious smell of yours that makes my world fragrant is now an odorless, clinical place. I wish I could run these miles in a second and you could glove me up with a surprised glee in your strong arms. Maybe, I am talking too much. I am not sure, though, if these three simple and overly used words would communicate what I truly feel.
Yet, I shall try-I MISS YOU!"
Alone, bereft, emotional, sad, insomniac ache are the symptoms of throbbing for someone’s presence. Some compensate ‘missing’ with ice-cream, hot chocolate, some cake or pudding. In other words, they replace the absent individual with calories devouring comforting food. The number of people hitting the pubs and drinking themselves insane, usually attribute the impulse to the 'Act of Missing' someone they love, as well.
As Jeremy Sherman has pointed out in his blog, 'missing' isn’t always being sad.
Giving up something unwanted or unpleasant 'a miss' does sound like a wise choice sometimes. Most importantly, when someone becomes a part of one's environment, he/she ends up influencing the other. Humanity is about connections- good or bad ones. When something good exits one's immediate universe, it pains, yet when an unpleasant stimulus gets deleted from one's vicinity it brings a reprieve.
Yet every wise man, poet or philosopher ends up ‘missing someone badly’. Poetry on longing, unrequited love, betrayal, the guilt of deception, reminiscence, and longing are different shades of nostalgia dealing with the central omitted emotion that binds the poet to the cherished.
A fragment from 'My River' by Emily Dickinson goes like this: My River runs to thee. Blue sea, wilt thou welcome me? My river awaits a reply. Oh! Sea, look graciously.
She makes an indirect reference to that special someone. She awaits his reply and desires to join him, in that emotional sea; to mesh herself with this person she loves. While only the creative minds write poems and music about the person being remembered, the feeling is universal.
That pang of pain, that sudden stopping of mind, that literal heartburn, those misty eyes, the lonely nights, and that sullenness of the early sun distresses every abandoned soul; suffer the pang of longing. It's because the one who moves on leaves us, goes on a business tour or vacation takes that major chunk of the heart where love dwells. Essentially stingy, they leave behind just a wisp of themselves. That big piece of love that can keep one warm during those long wakeful nights, that caress when the nightmares knock, that makes the mornings brilliant, the days agile is never shared by the miser.
The ‘Art of Missing’ is that mushy feeling of passion that makes one ardent until their love returns. Love is a crazy feeling. It is the wackiest when it cannot be instantly articulated.
Brian Adam's points out in his song; only when someone leaves, only then one really understands the feeling of being in love. A love that is hopeless, irrevocable, absolute.
Author: Kleio B'wti
An Aunt’s Agony
One of the most glorious days in my life was a week ago when my brother called me at 1:52 AM one morning to say that a couple of minutes ago he became a proud daddy!
The elation I felt was unimaginable! I am not a human child kind of a person, yet I could feel jubilation run through my veins. I guess, to know that your sibling, with whom you played as a child, is now a parent is a beautiful expression of how life transforms with time!
Excited, I told my friends about the happy tidings the next day. The text messages I received were a rude shock! Each and every message read, “Congratulations Aunt/ Aunty!” Aunty! I had indeed become an Aunt. This four/five letter word came with its own agony. The word made me feel defunct! I was no more a part of ‘the’ generation but that of the ‘older’ era! There was no graduation party, no celebrations, yet I had graduated into an Aunt- the biggest agony!
For many moments I felt no happiness, I forgot about my brother, his wife and their child. I only remembered myself, mentally counting every gray hair on my scalp. I visually added to my frowns in the mirror of my soul! The precious life force that had filled me on hearing about the newborn had waned into lethargy. All this because of the word, ‘Aunt’.
There are certain words that trigger the worst of thoughts! The word ‘Aunt’ stands out!
This word has been used since time immemorial to make fun of ladies. A lady judged of trying to act younger than her years is called Aunty. To politely humiliate a girl for no reason at all, the word Aunt is dropped in.
Any word that brands an individual as old or an aging one is detrimental to one’s self-esteem. I make an appeal to all the recent evolved and loving Aunts; yet hate being called one. Don’t let the word agonize you, do not let it threaten you. Make your own name for the baby to address you, allow the baby to call you by the name that everyone addresses you as or search google to find the translation for the word ‘Aunt’ in different languages.
If you ever wanted to be a princess or a particular character in history, something you have always wished for, let your nephew or niece call you that! How about Cleopatra? I bet is sounds nicer than ‘Aunt’! I wouldn’t mind if he calls me Beyonce either 😉
Let the child call you by that special name you have found on the internet or in the dictionary. It will not only sort out the name issue for you, but it will help you build a unique relationship with the new member of the family you instantly have fallen in love with.
Make the Agony of being (called) an Aunt, the pleasure of being the most special person in the new born’s life. Be a friend, a confidante, that terrific someone to look up to during those trying days, or those stormy dreams. Resolve to be that person in whom the child can confide in even when the thought of talking to the parents is scary. Be that person for the child- something more than an Aunt. There is no greater emotion than the selfless love of an aunt. There is no mountain that I will not climb for my nephew, there is no valley I will not jump into for him.
I’ll never fret about my huge distress- the Agony of being called an Aunt! I will ask him to call me Kleio- The Greek Goddess of Poetry, instead. 😃 😃 😃 😃 😃
When I see those babies giggling and adding a zest to others lives, I see the strength of their mothers.
In my years of working, I met a lot of people, made a few friends; learning every step of the way. What stood out in my memory were two girls- probably, the best mothers in the world. My motherly skills are zilch. The desire to bear a child is minimal. While I fight the fear of the 9 months of ordeal and years of turmoil and sacrifice thereafter to bring up a child, I was forced to learn.
These two colleagues, both named Anu, strove. They followed the doctor's advice, took their medicines and ate on time, exercised along with handling a very hectic schedule. I saw them smile in pain. I saw them do their work even when physically they couldn't push themselves anymore. Most importantly I saw them caress their wombs to communicate their unconditional love for the developing life within them.
They were magicians, they were science and they were life givers. I see them both with their daughters now and think, do these girls know what their moms' have been through to give them birth?
Then I see their twinkling eyes and I know that they honor their mother's efforts and are meant to do great things. They have inherited the strength of their mothers and the unconditional support of their fathers. They will conquer life.
We all grow up to criticize our upbringing or at least undermine it. It's only when we actually become parents do we realize what our parents have done for us. They give their all to bring a responsible contributor to the world - their child.
Parents face all storms with grit. They want to build a haven around their young ones.
Sometimes we might think that our parents push us too much, or maybe project their wishes onto us. This is something even coaches do to their students. However, we forget the ills of the outsiders, the teachers or coaches and remember familial disappointments. I guess it dents the affection that we share with our birth givers.
Every human on this earth is a by-product of the beliefs and strengths of their parents. Although a man may contribute in terms of sperms, financial security, and emotional balance, their efforts are as commendable as the women's who bear them. If only we children can acknowledge this and with no malice, pain or disappointment accept the divine blessings of our parents, I bet this world would have fewer criminals, terrorists, arsonists, abusers, and disbelievers.
It's a sincere appeal to all, to mend bridges, jump fences, kick hurt and embrace our true positive existence.
The mother who bears us, the father who strives forever; always conceived that they would create the lamps that would enlighten the world with knowledge, skill, and harmony. Let's fulfill their dreams. Let's not exert only for the next generation but also for the yester-generation that saw those visions for us. Let’s be forgiving, accepting and wise. Let's preserve the child in us- just like our parents preserve our childhood in their memories.
Author: Kleio B'wti
Hey Perfect You- I know you!
So you dress in layers! Don't you? I so knew it! And you wear baggy clothes too? Ahh! I discern what you mean! Do you look at your image and then decide on altered attire as you think the one you wore before was making you look fat? See, I caught you again! Yes, I mean you prefer dark clothes too. No, no! I am not a mind reader. You want to know how I knew it all. Well, my dear friend, I have been there- I still am. I live what you live only with a slight distinction. I have decided to concede to my gorgeousness.
Hey! Are you still planning to veil yourself, like every other day? Hmm... Don't. I will tell you why?
You say you won't wear a sleeveless dress. You say you will cover your beautiful round arms in a shrug otherwise. Or you are a guy who wears a sweatshirt on a sunny day to cover those strong appendages. Never do that! You have those comfy hands that anyone would want to hold. Your limbs indicate your emotional self-reliance. You have that relaxing pair of shoulders that pillow someone's misgivings, sorrows- the doubts.
You say you have a show-off for an abdomen- it likes to grab attention and thus protrudes! No, my pal, you got it wrong again. It means you are one of those confidantes who keep everyone's secrets close; never to reveal them. You may have few friends to go to a party with, but even those you regard as associates come to you when they need a kind word, or to share their biggest fears. You stomach them all and keep their trust.
Now let's see those wide hips? Hmm.... They show your love to boogie a whirl, spin, maybe belly dance? They definitely depict your thoughtful lifestyle. You are an arm-chair philosopher. You are from those ancient times where scholars thought and created a beautiful world of physics, psychology, and literature. Yes, literature is also a science, buddy. It is the science of the perceptive cum receptive heart that contracts to everyone's pains and puffs up in pride at a neighbor's success.
Your love for life makes your countenance round and extensive. You’re irresistible to the good things in life, food, drinks, laughter, and nature. You absorb the exquisiteness of the globe through your five senses. Your eyes breathe the wonder of earth, your nose inhales the exuberant effervesce of existence, and your mouth tastes the tanginess of circumstances. No, you do not gnaw away your struggles. You gulp down niggles and let your body acids consume them into a blissful conclusion. The music you hear is that of the birds, the ruffle of the leaves. You touch the passion of mortality.
You are perfect the way you are. Your figure or physique does not make you. It is your inner you that encompasses your humanity. If you are happy your environment thrives. Your anxiety saps that milieu. Don’t crowd yourself with pessimism. Trust your wonderfulness. You are one of those special people who discounts the imperfect world a liveable place, because you are perfect yourself.
The ones, who pull you down, don’t know your worth. Do exercise, eat right and live healthily. Nevertheless, do not make it a big deal if you are not a size zero. Don’t fret if you don’t have a lean body. Strive to live a healthy existence of mind and body.If you bring happiness to others, you make a crier wipe tears and grin at your charisma, you have won. Perhaps you are misunderstood but you are always a force to reckon with. Beam my friend. Smile for yourself. You are a keeper. You are cherished. It’s difficult for folks to concede defeat. Remember they are sour losers. You, my dear, have won. Acknowledge yourself to shine- blossoming in your victory.
Author: Kleio B'wti
Love of the First Degree
Mush! That squiggly, warm, overflowing, chocolatey, intoxicating Mush! When the effervescent dewy eyes lit lamps of the heart! Ahh! That murderous feeling of the wrenching gut of jealousy! That deluge of longing that drowned hours of night’s slumber.
That special Mush!
Social Psychologist from The University of Lancashire, Dr. Gayle Brewer wrote in an article published in The Guardian, “Why We Can Never Recover From First Love” has mentioned how first Mush or Love sets unrealistic expectations in future relationships. He goes on to describe how Romantic Love isn’t a one-time phenomenon, however, it might be very different from the first experience of ‘being in love’. The reason is that as we grow older, our experiences change and so does our feelings in similar situations.
But honestly, come to think of it, is it possible to forget the first time you got drenched in a downpour unexpectedly? Is it plausible to not recall the first time you scored surprisingly well in an examination or won an award that you were not anticipating? Will you ever forget the first drink, the first time you bunked classes, the first time you rode your bicycle, the first pet, the first car, the first slap from your parent? Firsts are always The First.
The feeling could be stronger for something else or someone the next time, but still the original experience will stand as the yardstick to judge the next experience.
So, how is it likely that love will be any different? You might end up finding your soul mate after the first heartbreak or romantic disaster, but that will be the foremost time you were guilty of being in love with someone else more than yourself. It was the earliest time you felt the pangs of pain, the utmost instance when your heart actually overgrew your body and replaced the little place between your lung- Yes! That awesome breathlessness!
Affirmative! That absolutely, amazing, ravenous, dreamy, perfect feeling that has you committed for life. To love- to give- to be for someone more than for yourself- that wonderful amnesia of thudding unconsciousness where the earth revolves in a zigzag motion of hmmm. No! When the earth dances harder than you do when the sky smiles the largest cumulus cloud, the sun simmers its most romantic rays, the trees sway in silent melody, the sweet green grass carpets the feet of your loved one- Ahh!
That most atrociously perfect, the superlative of all superlatives First Love! The Mush! The Love Of The First Degree!
Author: Kleio B'wti
Lips (Don’t Lie)
A small bullet like colorful, wonderful smelling, soft, creamy article, is the best friend of probably every girl.
It brightens you up when you feel dull, it makes you sparkle when you look tired, it turns heads, gives your lips that succulence that it so deserves. As Miranda Kerr rightly eulogized it by saying. “I really love a red lip, especially when I am feeling tired, as it brightens my whole face.”
Sometimes it makes me sympathize with the men. They have no such instant mood and image enhancer like we women do! Everybody deserves something special like a Lipstick. It is a best friend that colors you bad, colors you mad, and colors you 'Red'!
The trend started with the Sumerian people, who invented a Lipstick made of crushed gemstones about 5000 years ago. They decorated their contours especially the mouth and eyes. It glittered and had gold! Their wonderful creation was not a feminine turf. Everyone and anyone could shine and sparkle during those times. Oh! By the way, they also introduced the much-loved eyeshadow!
The ancient world gave us language, music, folklore, tools, farming, and fire. It gave us those flammable lip hues that add more meaning to our lives. Not only wearing lip blush is fun, but it’s great to visualize the wearer as attractive and impressive. When John Keats said, “A thing of beauty is a joy forever" I bet he was not only talking about his girl but also about this great gift to womankind-Lipsticks.
To those who criticize makeup, I would like to point out that looking beautiful or the effort one makes to look gorgeous is not a poison. It's a way to express self-love. Like personal hygiene is important to every living being, luscious lips are definitely a priority for many.
I want to congratulate our ancestors as well as the cosmetic brands and makeup artists who work hard to enhance self-worth in women. Everyone can afford at least one lipstick. This gift to womenkind come in various price range and brands. Those who cannot afford it or prefer to keep things natural can color the labrum naturally. How about berry lips, beetle-leaved lips or for that matter beet-rooted ones? Never stop loving yourself and especially your lips as what you say sounds more pleasing when it is uttered from a beautiful mouth.
Although she died young, Carole Lombard’s words will live for ages, “I live by a man’s code, designed to fit a man’s world, yet at the same time I never forget that a woman’s first job is to choose the right shade of lipstick.”
Author: Kleio B'wti